Self Confidence Depends on 3 Factors and We Cannot Influence None of Them

Self Confidence Depends on 3 Factors and We Cannot Influence None of Them

- in Advice

It seems that healthy self confidence has little to do with objective indicators. It would seem related to the internal, subjective logic.


Is (financial) success sufficient for the feel of self confidence and satisfaction? The answer is given in a short video produced by the British organization
“The School of Life ” , which explains how our self confidence is affected by the success of our parents and peers, as well as the quality of love and the support that we received in childhood.

To like yourself and have a high level of self confidence has a crucial meaning to our sense of well being. The main problem is the origin of the self confidence.

There are people with ordinary jobs, average body construction and “non-glamorous” friends who despite all of that, they still own a high level of self confidence. They love themselves even with no sign of approval by the outside world.

And there are others who, despite all the success, prestige and financial security, never feel like that. They are anxious and constantly punishing themselves and criticized themselves, they are never satisfied with their work and activities, and even they are never convinced enough that they deserve to exist.

It seems that healthy self confidence has little to do with objective indicators. It seems to be linked to the internal, subjective logic factors immune to the standard notion of success.
There are 3 factors that especially influence the self confidence:


1.  The success of the parents of the same sex – mothers for the girls, and fathers for the sons .

One of the biggest indicators of how much confidence you have is to compare with the parent of the same sex, or whether you have achieved more or less from the mother or the father. Simply, it appears that a comfortable level of self confidence achieved only by those who are more successful than their parents of the same sex. Those with an “ordinary” origin in this case have a great  advantage.

2. What your peers deals with?

We do not feel inadequate in comparison with those who have more than us, only members of the group that largely determines our self confidence: our peers. These are people with whom we went to school at the same or similar age and who are from our region. They have a greater impact on our sense of well-being than any wider or narrower population. Every time when a peer is more successful than us, a small part of us dies.

3. What kind love you received in childhood?


Fotolia_66522537_Subscription_Monthly_MMany things depend on the quality of care we received in childhood. And especially the fact if the love was conditional. Some of us had parents that providing only conditional love. Everything is around the school success, and such children become adults with major ambitions. But it’s not easy to go through life with a desperate desire to stop the hatred to yourself while you have the need to impress every person you’ll meet. Looking for parental approval that has never been received.

Those lucky ones who received unconditional love, are satisfied only with their existance . They don’t have to prove themselves that much. They own internal security, supported by the conviction that they meant someone a lot. Problems such “you are fired” would be unpleasant, but it won’t be a tragedy.

In the end self confidence depends more of the psychological than economic success in the outside world.


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